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This page is not big enough for all of those I have lost throughout the years. Therefore, I will only include those
who are of me, my mother, grandmother, great-grandmother and those who were like family to me.>
Uncle Jr., you were the first in this picture to pass on. That's you with my mother's hands on your shoulders.
You used to use drugs then went South to clean up. Perhaps if you had stayed down there instead of coming back to New
York, you would still be alive. Your old drug buddies didn't want to see you clean so at the tender age of 27, you were
forced into an abandoned building, subdued and injected with an overdose of heroin. Your murderers were caught and incarcerated
but that didn't bring you back. I was only 12 years old at the time and my fondest memories of you are of you singing
in the mirror while putting Noxema on your face. Also, a few months before you were murdered, one cold winter
day, my poor hands were freezing cold. Yours were too, but you took me to the store, and with your few dollars, bought
me some gloves.
You left behind three children, two daughters (one is at the bottom of this page) and a son who was
born six months after your death. I miss you.
September 28, 1956 - June 1, 1974
Annie Mae (Granny) in your pretty bowtie silver dress
were the next one to pass on, only 5 years after your son, Uncle Jr. I remember you sitting on the edge of your bed,
just crying and I knew not what to do. You were my strength. The mother who raised me. I still carry
on the tradition of making your specialties, macaroni and cheese, banana pudding, sweet potato pie and homemade biscuits. I learned
how to care by taking care of you. I learned how to protect by protecting you. I learned how to love by loving
you. I learned how to cry by crying for you. I learned how to laugh by laughing with you. I learned how to be
silent by thinking of you and all you mean to me. I will never forget all you taught me before cancer ate your
body away. You carried your breastless chest with pride. They didn't have the technology of today back then. Even
with your handicap (paralyzed on one side) you had more strength than anyone I know today. I know that your spirit lives
in me. I feel it all the time. It took me a long time to be able to go on without you. You were my peace
of mind. Eventually I did, I had to. I really miss you though.
November 26, 1923 - December 18, 1979
| Godmother, Rita |
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| Had a big part of my heart. |
Godmother, you were the next one to go. Not long after Granny. You were one of
the early cases of AIDS in NYC. It was long before they began testing donated blood. Unfortunately during your
operation, you were given some tainted blood. You didn't last too long after that. I think about 2 years.
Unfortunately we both moved at the same time and lost contact with each other. I understand that before you passed away,
you came back to the old neighborhood and tried to get our address from one of my neighbors. He didn't have it.
Thus began my search for you. I didn't have much to go on because you had such a common name and I didn't even
know your date of birth at the time.
All I have are the good memories we created. You were such a jewel to me. I remember
the day you and your husband became my Godparents. I was only 5 years old. You always showered me with unconditional
love and affection which was something lacking in my life, the quality still is. Later on, even though I was in
my late teens, in a respectful way, you treated me like a mature child. Like your child. When I was outside with
my friends and would see you coming down the block, I would get so excited. You would come up to me and say that you
were going to embarrass me in front of my friends with hugs and kisses on my cheeks.....I loved those moments.
Made me feel so loved, precious and special.
It was never easy being the only female child in the family and I think you sensed that,
because you were so protective of me. You knew exactly what I was lacking and made sure I received it....
We would stay on the phone for hours, sometimes in silence, just feeling each other's
presence. My quietness never seemed to bother you and you allowed me to be exactly who I was. You taught me to
be sensitive to others and to myself. You taught me the meaning of unconditional love. You taught me the meaning
of giving without expectations. You encouraged me in everything I chose to do. You always had time for me. .
I miss your presence. I miss our shopping sprees. I miss you sitting on my lap in the
kitchen when we all were gathered around talking about old times until the sun came up. I miss you listening to me sing
(you're the only one I ever sung for). I enjoyed sharing that part of me with you because you were always interested.
You took pride in everything about me....I miss that.
I love you Godmother and I miss you immensely. I know you are resting with the Angels.
1948-1983
Dad, I never got the chance to call you that, as you and Mom divorced when I was young. You
were the next one to pass on. I don't have the fondest memories of you. All I remember is you getting drunk and
fighting with my mother. You left when I was 2 years old, so for me to remember that is unthinkable for a child so young.
You left before I could call you Dad, before I could really talk. Not long after you left, my life continued
down a road of trauma.
Dad, you were off somewhere getting drunk when you should have been protecting. me.
I was so angry with you. When I saw you on the street in my young years, I was embarrassed. You were an alcoholic
and living on the street. I didn't want to know you. I ran from you and ignored you. On all school applications
where it asked for father...I put deceased.
Despite it all though, I turned out just fine. I was able to face those demons
and rid them from my soul. I was able to deal with my fear of abandonment and not hold on to toxic relationships
for fear they will leave me like you did. All of that is behind me now. That work was done several years ago and
I have become such a strong, whole, spiritual, loving, person. I am able to love unconditionally. I
am able to receive love deservingly.
The one thing I should have done before writing you off, years ago, was get to know your
side of the family. There is a whole half of me that has no connection. I have resolved that I will
never feel complete. Such is life.
But here it was years later, I am about to go to college and my mother has
remarried again. She said she saw you in the neighborhood and you were going to come by the next day to see us.
That next day never came because you never came. I forgot about you again for a little while.
Being that I was an adult then, I suddenly developed a craving to know who my father was. The person not the identity. For
the next fifteen years I would have spent endless hours searching for you. Although I didn't like you,
I wanted to know you. I wanted to feel complete. I wanted to hear your voice, witness your smile, look into your
eyes to see if I saw some part of myself, something familiar. I am told that I get my musical abilities and
my love of mathematics from you because you were a jazz musician, could play many instruments and you were a math whiz.
Now, it is November 2001. I'm searching Ancestry.com and find myself ultimately searching
the Social Security Death Index. My heart bottoms out when I see your name and Social Security Number listed.
It says you died shortly before I began looking for you, over 15 years ago. Is that why you came back to the old
neighborhood and told my mother that you were coming by the next day to see us?. Is that why you wanted to see your
children that day? Was it for one last time because you were dying? Did you die that night, because you never
came back the next day?.
I can't say that I miss you because I didn't know you. However, I do miss having a dad.
I had to let that and you go, because as it is now, I will never know you. R.I.P.
Dad
March 14, 1936 - May 10, 1984
| Stan the man |
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| Rest in Peace Lil Bro |
Yes, my brother. The day that we were all gathered in mother's room talking and I noticed
signs of Wasting Syndrome in your face....I knew that it would only be a matter of time. You didn't even know that you were
HIV+ and in exactly one year's time, you would be taken from us. You put a whole lot of trust and faith in me. You too became
a Vegetarian and sought assistance from my Herbologist. She really helped you a lot. Unfortunately, we didn't know enough
about this dis-ease at the time, and as soon as your kidneys stopped functioning, we blamed the herbs. You stopped taking
them and your health continued to go downhill, experiencing just about every AIDS related illness there was at the time..
I decided that my purpose was to help you live until it was your time to make your transition. I never realized how similar
we were. Although we spent a lot of time together and shared similar interests, I never fully grasped the depth of it until
you made your transition. I was hit hard brother and deep.
Your five children are really taking your death hard...to this day. However, they are
feeling more open to talk about you and I try to tell them as much as I can about the type of child and man you were. Each
one of them have taken on one of your talents. Professional drummer, Karate expert, Baseball player, fitness guru and your
oldest in very much into the church. They already know how great a father you were, which is why they miss you so much.
I really miss you too, buddy. I miss your encouragement and spontaneity. Your zest for
life. I miss you telling me that "I can do it" and to prove it, you would stay by the sidelines, edging me on. One thing
I can say though, is you lived a full and joyful life in your short years on this earth. I love you bro.
September 25, 1964 - September 28, 1995
| My first cousin , daughter of Uncle Jr. |
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Yvonne, my dear cousin, sistahfriend. You've always had a rough life. Your father (my uncle) was murdered
when you were only 7 years old. His death was too much for your mother to deal with and she got lost in her mind which they
termed schizophrenia. You were literally an orphan. We tried our best to help you and your sister but being that we were
on your father's side of the family, your mother's side always had more say. We all know that all they wanted was the monthly
check as a result of your father's death. They treated you and your sister so badly.
It resulted in you living a life of overconsumption of alcohol and bad choices in men. Ultimately it
was both of these things which lead to your death. You were never right after you were attacked on the street with a baseball
bat by your ex-boyfriend......he bashed in your head leaving you for dead. Not long after, your body gave out from all of
the years of wear and tear...and drinking since the age of 13.
However, despite all of your negative life experiences, you always filled the house with laughter and
had a heart of gold. This is why I know you are resting in a better place. I love you and miss you.
August 31, 1967 - September 18, 1999
| My dearly departed older handsome brother. |
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| I know you and Stanley are walking around Heaven making music. |
Jesse, I made this page over 15 years ago and never did I think you would be on it so soon. However, my spirit felt something
a year before you passed away. I remember telling you not to die on me then. I saw your health deteriorating and over the
course of the next year, you were disciplined and on your way back to good health, but then the Pandemic happened. None of
us knows God's plan for us, nor when he will call us home. There is no avoiding it. It was not a mistake that you visited
us in February 2020 after a few years of promising to make the trip to Maryland. That was the last time we saw you in person;
two months before your transition.
You had spent most of your adult life living for God so I know your soul rests with God. You were the best brother anyone
could ask for. I am grateful for your presence in my life, for the many years God had allowed. We had some good times over
the years.
I refuse to question God's plan and have selfish thoughts of your life and my life without your physical presence in it.
Yes I have my moments of missing you yet I don't let them linger. That would be selfish and self-destructive. As an ancestor,
you watch over me and as a brother you have given me all a brother could give.
As we were both retired, we made many plans. I will still carry those plans out and make you proud. I love you big brother.
Others who have made their transition, not in any particular order:
Cousin Vernon Richard (WTC, 9/11/01 Firefighter Chief
Cousin Edith
Cousin Bay
Cousin Paulette
Cousin Bill
Cousin Buster
Cousin Mark
Cousin Earl
Cousin Roger
Cousin Frederick
Grand-Aunt Viola
Grand-Uncle Lucius
Friend Howie
Friend Nadine
Friend Wesley
Friend Kurt
Friend Marvin
Best Friend Doris
Earth Father James Haynes
Aunt Florence Reed
Cousin William Reed
Friend Yedlina Lawrence
Dorothy Brown
Satyra Cattenhead
Douglas Cattenhead
Raynard Rembert
Virginia Pizarro
Keith Richardson
Victor Rembert
Laura Beard
R.I.P.
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